Friday, February 10, 2017

Dear Indiana

Dear Indiana,

I am sorry this is the first letter I've written to you, my beautiful baby boy, but life has gotten away from me.  In caring for you and your sister, I've let the past 8 months slip by - where did they go?  I have SO enjoyed this time with you, and never knew I could love a baby so much.  You have made me whole, complete and now I want to have a million more babies all just like you.  I never knew a baby could be so easy, thank you for showing me how to have fun, as a mama of a newborn.

You were an easy baby from the beginning, you loved to sleep and loved your mama (and her boobs) even more.  You still love both of these things, you go to bed nursing every night.  You don't mind being held by anyone, and are just so easy going and laid back.  You are so good at playing by yourself, entertaining yourself and are just content sitting and watching.  You are so observant, always watching and looking around, soaking in this crazy family of yours.

I love it when you complain.  You never cry, just complain, and when I hear it in the middle of the night, roll over and comfort you, I just smile.  I will miss your little complaining, whimpering noises when you grow out of them, oh so much.  You only cry at night, or right before nap time, when you've finally had enough, you're tired and you want me all to yourself.  You are so good at sharing me with your sister all day, but I love our one on one time, laying together the most.

Thank you for being an easy baby.  I never knew what it was like to enjoy being a mama to a baby, until now.  You are so snuggly, cuddly and just want to be with people (and lay on them), or sit with a boob in your mouth.  You also love watching movies with a boob near you, so you can watch, then nurse, then watch, then nurse.  You love movies, just like your sister.  I will never forget taking you to Trolls for the first time, you yelled/screamed so loud the entire time and were up watching the whole movie - you loved it and it was SO funny.  You crack us up all day long.

I love that when you're excited you kick your legs, both at the same time, kind of like you are swimming in the air.  You have the biggest smile on your face, whenever we look at our talk to you, and especially when I get home from work.  You get SO excited to see me and want me to hold you, you complain if I walk by you to first wash my hands.  The love you have for your mama is like no other, I never knew what it was like to be loved and needed so much.  The love your sister has for me is the same but different, love from a little boy is something new/special altogether.

You have said "ma ma ma" for a couple of months now, whenever you're tired or hungry.  You babble other things constantly like "da da da" or "ba ba ba" but still don't know what they mean.  We have been trying to teach you to wave, and some sign language, but nothing has stuck just yet; and I'm just enjoying these last couple of weeks of being a mama to a baby baby, and not necessarily a baby that's learning or doing too much just yet.  I'm not ready for you, my last baby, to grow up.

I was reading this blog the other day, about your sister growing up, and by 8 months she was crawling and pulling herself up to stand.  You aren't doing either of these really, just this last week you started trying to pull yourself up on me (your Nani helped teach you this new trick), but you haven't mastered it yet.  You are definitely just a happy little bear, content with how things are, not trying to do too much just yet.  And, I'm happy this way, happy to snuggle you forever.  I am not looking forward to a crawling, walking, talking boy.  I love my little baby boy oh so much.

When you smile it lights up a room.  You smile with your whole face, ear to ear, and those two little teeth make it that much cuter.  Your eyes are intoxicating, big and brown, and your long eyelashes - ugh.  You have the same chubby cheeks as your sister (and me!) and you are just a chubby boy all around, I love all of your rolls and round belly and head.  I love to kiss your cheeks, chin and neck and tickle you just to hear you crack up.

You are so tolerant of your sister and her poking and prodding you.  It takes a bit for you to complain and really get "mad" at her.  I feel bad for you, always being messed with, but you have such an even temperament, it doesn't really seem to phase you much.  4 year olds just don't know how to show their love, you can't blame her.  She just can't wait until you can play with her, she loves to kiss, hug and snuggle you so much.  You've just gotta learn to get away - but not yet!

You are really good at eating, you pick things up, love trying new things and you even take bites and chew with those two bottom teeth.  The other day you ate curry cauliflower and mushrooms, and your favorite food is dried pineapples and cottage cheese.  I've fed you more things than I thought a baby could ever eat, and you normally enjoy them.  You hate noodles, and Tylenol the most.  It's so fun watching you take fist fulls of food, then take bites and work it around in your mouth.  And, you love water, you'd drink water all day long if you could, you just suck it down.  I have never met a baby who loves water so much.

Laying down to nap with you, and going to bed with you at night, is my favorite.  I've loved having you sleep with me, the past couple of weeks (since you've had a stuffy nose), and wish I could sleep with both you and your sister every single night (but she would definitely wake you up).  You starfish out on the bed, both arms and legs out in all directions, and have just started to roll around in your sleep a bit more.  Sometimes I find you on your side and when you roll on your tummy, you don't go back to bed, but instead complain until someone finds you and helps you, or sticks a boob in your mouth.  You never unlatch, you haven't since you were little, you would stay latched all night if I didn't ninja roll away from you.  You are such a mama's boy and I love it.

I wasn't sure that I wanted another baby, but you completed me as a mother and our family.  You were meant to be here, and I don't remember life without you.  We often get in the car and say "Do we have Indy?" because you are so good, quiet and content; you never make a peep.  We are so lucky to have you in our lives, I can't imagine my life without you.  I never thought I wanted to have a little boy, man was I wrong.  Boys are the best.  I would say that I can't wait to see you grow up and become who you are going to be, but I can.  I loved watching Lemon grow and loved every new age she came into; but with you, my last baby, I want time to stop.  I don't want my baby to grow up, I don't want you to learn, grow and become a little person.  It has been so much fun to have a baby around, I want to have a baby around, you as a baby, forever.  Please never grow up.

We love you Indiana.  I'm sorry I haven't written more letters, posted more blogs or remembered to take monthly pictures for the past three months.  But, it doesn't mean we love you any less.  We are busy living our lives with you, spending time with you, snuggling you and soaking in every minute with you; too busy to write about it.  I would cuddle you all day long if I could, and you would let me.  You are the best baby, thank you for completing my life and teaching me to just have fun and relax, as a mother.  You have forced us all to slow down and focus on our family more, and for that I am forever grateful.  Thank you for bringing so much joy to our lives.

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