Tuesday, August 16, 2011

A Blueberry Birth Day

Last Saturday would have been our dear blueberry's date of birth.  I didn't remember it was coming up until Ian's cousin Whitney wrote me a really sweet message on Facebook about this month being hard for us but to keep our heads up.  I would have remembered, but it just wasn't something I was focusing on, like I thought I would.

One of the reasons I didn't think that day would be sad was because I thought I'd be pregnant again (it has been 6 months since we lost him/her).  It still would have been a day of remembrance, but not as sad if I was baking another blueberry in the baby oven.  But, for some reason, we were meant to experience this day without another baby - to remember, to heal and to love.

The week started off with a thoughtful present from our good friend Jacqui for our future blueberry (or olive or whatever).  She made these herself in about 2 weeks, so cute!  And, another beautiful present from my best friend Christine.  (Check out her etsy shop!)

 (I have always wanted a knit fruit/veggie bag!)

 (Isn't she gorgeous?!)

Surprisingly, it was a joyful day full of good friends, lots to do and precious time spent with just the two of us.  We didn't really have time to be sad, we were so busy and I was happy for that.  In the morning I woke up to flowers and blueberries (and a very sad husband), so I decided to make gluten free blueberry muffins from this mix and they were delicious!   (I even fed them to Christie and Christine and they both agreed they didn't taste gluten free.)  We cuddled a bit and I told Ian not to be sad but to be hopeful and happy because our family will happen one day.  I actually wasn't sad at all on this day, it wasn't like I thought it would be.  I just focused on the good things in our lives, our friends, our family and my wonderful husband - and then there was nothing left to really be sad about.  :)

Then, Christie, Christine and Espen all came over to play in the pool.  Espen's 5th birthday is coming up next weekend and he is my favorite.  So funny, smart and entertaining - he could make anyone happy even on a sad day.

We even downloaded an app that lets you take video that looks like 8mm film, so cool!  Check it out:

After swimming Espen and I played with Star Wars toys while Christine curled up on the couch and watched Harry Potter.  They left and we started getting ready for Marisol's Birthday/Housewarming party in Tempe.  Her house was gorgeous and Jenny and I had a talk about babies before Ian and I rushed off to Picazzo's for a yummy dinner out.  

We didn't quite know how to commemorate our blueberry so we decided on attaching messages to balloons and setting them free.  It turned out to be really nice and peaceful, watching them float away into the clouds. 

A day I thought would be hard but it turned out to be easy - don't you love it when that happens?  A day of remembrance and love instead of sadness.  I am finally hopeful and full of joy for all that I have, I am a lucky girl.  Blueberry, I hope you got our letters and that you know just how much we love and miss you.  We will meet again one day, thank you for being a part of our life.


  1. you are seriously such an inspiration, Allison. Your positive attitude is incredibly uplifting. Thank you. And congrats on making it through Blueberry's birthday in one piece.

  2. Oh Julia thanks for this! I try to stay positive but it has been so tough, as I'm sure you know. That's all the advice I can give, keep your head up, enjoy the present and look towards better things to come. Thank you for your inspiring posts as well, you kept me going when I was at a loss too. Things can only get better from here, I believe in the power of positivity. I think of you and your family often and hope all is going well. Wishing you the very very best!