Thanks Mom

 

 

If you know me you know that I am deathly afraid of throwing up and I often repeat the phrase, "I'd rather die than throw up."  There was even a time, in my 20's, when I had the stomach flu and I asked my mom to just shoot me and put me out of my misery.  (This all probably came from the fact that I had celiac disease for 32 years and didn't know it and every time I ate I felt sick.  Read more about this here.)  I hate to throw up but hardly ever do it so every time I feel like I am going to I freak out and try to talk myself out of it.  I knew this day would come, the day I had a child who was sick and who would throw up, and I also knew that she would probably get me sick too.  But, I didn't realize it would be so soon . . .

Almost two weeks ago on Saturday Lemon wouldn't eat her dinner.  We thought maybe she was just tired and didn't like her sweet potato pancakes (we also went out for lunch and thought maybe something from there bothered her).  So, we put her to bed.  That morning, she woke up with poop, pee and throw up all over her and her crib but we didn't think anything of it (because it was kind of all mixed together) so we changed her and then went on with what we were going to do that day.  She didn't act sick (kind of like she never acts tired), so I took her to Mommy & Me yoga and thought that maybe it was just a fluke that she woke up like that.  She didn't even seem to have a fever, but now I feel bad about dragging her there, and the fact that she probably got all of the other little babes sick!

That day she had an explosive diaper and wouldn't eat but went to bed and slept all through the night, just like the night before (silly me, this alone should have clued me in!).  I stayed home Monday because she had another "poop all over the bed episode" that night at 1am and in the morning seemed to have a fever.  I made her a doctor's appointment, because she was pulling on her ear too, and wanted to be home with her just in case.  The doctor heard a bubbling stomach but her ears were clear and just sent us home with some probiotics and told us to keep making her drink liquids like pedialyte and water, no solids if she doesn't want them and no breast milk (which I thought was weird).  She said if I did feed her to feed her in small amounts, which is hard to do if you have full boobs (so I did have to pump a lot just to keep up my supply since she wasn't eating a lot).  I listened but fed her whenever she wanted to eat and actually watered down breast milk to make sure she had liquids in her if she wouldn't drink just plain water.  We also got some bananas and rice cereal in hopes that it would "stop her up" a bit (it didn't).

She seemed to only want milk.  Forcing her to drink water or pedialyte was awful and even though we tried feeding her breakfast, lunch and dinner she wouldn't eat it.  I guess I didn't realize just how sick she was, and probably how nauseous she was, because she didn't act sick.  She played, didn't want to cuddle but did get tired more often and took 3-4 naps a day the whole week.  We changed A LOT of diapers, did A LOT of laundry, ran A LOT of baths, cleaned up weird, liquid yellow poop off of the living room floor (thank god for hardwood floors!), got thrown up on and pooped on (both of us) - so it was a really tiring couple of days.  The worst was on Wednesday night when we thought she was feeling better but then wanted to go to bed at 5pm, cried when we put her in her playpen and then threw up all over it.  So so sad.

After staying home with her Monday, and my mom coming over so I could run some errands, I started feeling bad Monday night.  I spent all night in bed, trying not to throw up, but finally did around 12am.  And then my legs hurt, for some strange reason (dehydration?), so I couldn't sleep and slept about an hour all night.  Ian had to stay home Tuesday to take care of the baby so that I could just lay around and I didn't really start to feel like myself again until Friday, even though I didn't get sick again.  Lemon's sickness lasted a whole week, she didn't really start feeling, or acting, like herself until Sunday.  And once she wasn't sick anymore we realized that she did act sick, and we just didn't notice.  She may not have wanted to cuddle, and she still played, but she wasn't her usual, chipper, talkative self; and after about a week she finally went back to normal.  I can't even imagine how bad she felt (wait, maybe I can) and I just wish I would have known sooner.  She was probably so dizzy and nauseous and her poor little tummy probably felt so bad - I just felt terrible that I didn't know she had the flu sooner (and dragged her out to yoga and left her to run errands!).  

Ian and I ended up missing 2 days each last week and it was a bummer because we were oh so close to finishing the school year with some sick days in tact (remember I took 3 months off and he took 6 weeks so we now have nothing left).  But, we had to be there with our baby and I didn't really want to make her go with anyone else, besides my mom, when she was feeling so horrible. 

Our "sick chick:"

 

Fed her so much oatmeal that first day and it all came up later.  :(

Nursing, still her favorite even when she's sick.  And clearly we weren't concerned about fashion last week!

Sick scrunchy face, is there anything cuter?

So, we survived our first stomach flu and I lived to tell about it.  I even showed up at school on Thursday and told all of my teenagers to go home and hug their mothers because they have no idea what they did for them when they were little.  Moms spend all day taking care of their sick babes, then all night sick themselves; it is absolutely crazy and made me realize just how much our moms do for us that we had no idea about.  Those couple of days at home were a blur and you spend all of your time worrying about your little muffin, that when you get sick yourself you are just so completely worn out. 

It is true, that you don't fully appreciate your mother, even if you thought you did and even said you did, until you become a mother yourself.  I now know why my mom still rubs my back when I sit next to her, kisses and hugs me hello and goodbye and checks on me when it's stormy out.  I was her baby once, and she took care of me while I was sick once, and she also watched me cover my skin in tattoos, the same skin that she used to rub lotion on after baths when I was just a baby.  I get it now.  I understand. 

I am sorry I didn't spend more time, when I was younger, telling her how much I appreciate her.  Thanks mom for taking care of me all of these years, I love and appreciate you.  And next time you see your mom, make sure you give her a big hug, she deserves it too.

My Thoughts on Advice

I would like to preface this post by saying that having a blog is tough because you want to share your innermost thoughts, because it actually helps settle some of the chaos in your mind (and may help others in the process), but you also have to be aware of your audience.  That actually stops me sometimes, from saying things I really want to say, because I know who is reading.  But, the point of having a blog is to share your thoughts, and be true to those feelings, no matter who is reading.  It is truly a paradox.  So, when I write, I feel that sometimes I walk a very fine line and have to stick to what I really want to say but also try not hurt anyone's feelings, inadvertently, in the process.  It's really hard to do and I hope you can appreciate my efforts.  I have shared, with the people closest to me, how I feel about this topic, already, so this may be something most of you have already heard me say.

I do apologize in advance if I offend anyone but please know that I am not speaking about anyone/anything in particular when I write this.  I appreciate all of my friends/family so much; especially everyone that helps us out with Lemon, my wonderful husband, and even those who have given me advice in the past.  These are just my overall thoughts on the subject of advice, from my only almost 9 months of being a mom (and I am aware that it is a very short time to have such an opinion, but I have it none-the-less).  

Oh and one more thing - you don't have to agree with my opinions but this is my blog so it's where I write them down.  If you don't want to read it, you don't have to.  :)


I have a problem with moms giving other moms advice.  I understand why they do it, I understand that sometimes we ask for it - but it really doesn't make sense, when you get down to it, because every family is different and every baby is different.  What works for your family may not work for someone else's - so why do we do it and why do we even ask for it?  I've asked, I've even listened and put into practice something that someone else has shared, but I feel that sometimes when we ask, we don't really want it and end up more frustrated then we were before.

I think that part of being a first time mom is the utter confusion you have for how your life is all of a sudden.  You are tired, you didn't really get a chance to recover from the (in my case) 36 hours of labor and now you have this baby at home that you really have no idea what to do with.  Your husband has his opinions, your parents have theirs, your in-laws have theirs and your friends have theirs - so it definitely gets overwhelming.  But, you have so many questions:  Why does this baby sleep good one night and then horrible the next?  Why does she wake up crying and no matter how much you rock her, hug her or feed her she won't stop?  Why does breast feeding hurt so badly and no one told me?  Why am I spending my whole Saturday trying to get this baby to nap and no one told me this either?  And then so many other things come up that, of course, you want to talk about too:  Why does my husband want to solve all of my problems when really I just want him to listen?  Why don't some of my friends understand that I can't go out until the baby goes to bed because I have a whole bedtime routine and am afraid that if I do something different that one night then someone will have to be up all night and that someone is me?  Why don't some people understand why I have to be home for naps or a nap won't happen at all and then bedtime is ruined?  Or why I can't make plans or be anywhere on time because who knows when my baby will decide to nap or not?  So many things to talk about, complain about and discuss - no wonder people give you advice because it seems like you are asking for it, and sometimes you do ask for it, whether you realize it or not.  I have done this many times, come right out and asked for advice here, (see my nursing post) and on Instagram and have totally appreciated all of the responses, even though some helped and some didn't.

But for some reason, I have hit a wall.  I no longer want advice because I now realize that my Lemon is different than your so and so, and what works for you and your baby may not work for me and mine.  I also have come to the conclusion that if you are a mom that hasn't been a new mom for awhile you tend to forget the rough stuff so that it's hard to relate to someone going through it right now.  No matter how much I talk or whine, I realize that most of the time I am not really asking for advice, I just want someone to listen.  Sometimes we want to just complain and commiserate with other moms, we want to hear we are not alone and that everything will be ok and eventually get better - we don't want anyone to solve our problems or offer suggestions because, chances are, we've tried it all.  If my baby doesn't like to nap (see my previous post) I have probably already read a ton of websites and books about it and have already probably emailed a sleep expert (for reals).  From you, another mom, I just want to hear that you are either in the same boat, or I want you to just listen and let me whine about it, and just tell me that things will get better.  If I am complaining about my nursing woes, I want to be cheered on, and my successes praised - I don't want to hear about how it was easy for you or how I should just give up if it's that bad.  I think the best thing that other mothers, and family/friends of new moms, can do for each other is to support each other, even if it seems like the person is having a really hard time.  Especially if it seems like they are having a really hard time.  

All of the advice offered just gets confusing and makes my head spin.  It's hard to keep track of, hard to agree to (even if there's no way I will actually do it) and hard to smile and nod at.  It gets tiring and overwhelming when we, as mothers, are already tired and overwhelmed.  The best conversations I've had with people are the ones who have said to me, "Allison, I have no idea what you should do but it sounds like you are doing everything you can and I'm sure it will work itself out."  There are times that I've wanted advice and have appreciated it, and I'm not saying I don't anymore (because I know it all comes out of love and being helpful), but it sometimes gets you down when you are already at a point where you have no idea what to do. 

I am not perfect and I'm sure I have given advice to others that hurt their feelings just like advice has been given to me that has hurt mine.  (And I know it's silly that it hurts feelings, but it does because it somehow implies that you are doing something wrong.)  I have also been told that if I don't want advice I shouldn't say anything at all or tell anyone anything.  But isn't that what the people in your life are for?  For you to talk about what is going on with you, good or bad, and for them to listen and support you?  As a new mom if we didn't talk about being a new mom, what else would we have to talk about - it is definitely an all-consuming job!  But now that I have been a mom for almost 9 months, I just want the support.  So, I will do the same from now on for my fellow mamas too - this is my official promise to you.  I'm here to listen.

From my experience, being a working mom is hard and leaving your baby every day is really hard.  If someone tells you how you should be doing things differently it makes it even harder.  You know what would make it easier?  Hearing what a great job you're doing instead.  I understand that "it takes a village to raise a child" and everyone has an opinion, but sometimes those opinions are too much along with everything else you are struggling to balance.  And, I'm sure stay at home moms get just as much unsolicited advice too.  The best thing someone who is babysitting can do it stick your schedule/expectations/procedures because it makes it easier on baby and the rest of the family.  (We are lucky enough to have two people who do this for us, every week, and do their absolute best with No Naps McGee.)

None of us are experts in our field and none of us know what is best for someone else's baby.  We don't know if that specific carrier will actually harm that baby or if giving (or not giving) a baby a certain food (aside from the common "no, no's") will do this or that to them.  Almost everything you research online has two points of view and conflicting evidence, so while I agree with some suggestions about a product's safety (like finding someone to install your car seat properly), moms are really going to do whatever they think is right/best for their baby, no matter what anyone else has to say about it.  So, why say anything at all?  (We used the Nap Nanny long after it was recalled but made sure Lemon couldn't fall out and get wedged against her crib.) 

There is, however, another side to this.  Sometimes you really do want help and if you ask for it and someone helps you - it's amazing.  We have received so much help from all of our family and friends, as new parents, and we are truly grateful for their support.  I had so much trouble with nursing and my mom hired a lactation consultant to come and see if I was doing everything correctly, and it changed everything for me, I will never forget how much she helped me by arranging that.  Lemon also had really bad acid reflux as an infant and my friend Melissa told me some things that helped us with that too, which made her more comfortable.  In no way am I saying to not ask for help when you need it, but instead to know the different between someone ]asking for help and someone just wanting you to be there for them and to listen, and keeping the advice you give them positive.  Sometimes we have to listen first, before just jumping in with advice, to find out what someone is really wanting from us.  There is indeed a difference and a way to avoid making someone feel like they are doing something wrong.

So, what do we want when it appears we are struggling?  The best thing you can do for a first time mom, or really any mom, is to offer support and encouragement and let them know what an awesome job they are doing.  As I've said before, we are all in this together, no matter if you're doing this now or if you did it 40 years ago.  Being a mom is hard enough sometimes and instead of criticizing or offering advice - we should just stick together and tell each other how great we are.  Because we are great.  Wouldn't that be lovely?

Fabric Bow (or Bow Tie) Tutorial

Or as I like to call this post - Procrastination.  I don't know if you realize but I am now 18 days behind on blogging Lemon's "7 Months" post and I just can't find the motivation to do it.  I lost my phone between 6 and 7 months, lost a lot of pics and videos and I think I'm just still sad about it.  I will get around to it, someday soon I hope (and before March 2nd when she turns 8 months!).

So, I thought I'd do a post on how I make my fabric bows.  So many lovely mamas are always commenting on them and I started making them myself after buying some on etsy (for a ridiculous amount) because Lemon has got to have a bow in every color!  I have never really been crafty but when I was pregnant I made a few projects for her nursery and now that she's here I find that I want to make her all kinds of cute things (bows, flowers, baby belts) because she can just rock them all like no other.  So, I bought some fabric, fished out my glue gun and got to work.  So, if you're interested, here's how I make them.  And, if you don't have a girl, these can be bow ties for your baby bow too!  (Oh and never mind our gross blanket that I craft on while watching TV.  It covers our ottoman so that the dogs don't get our couches all furry.  The blankets spend most of their time getting stained and dirty to then be removed when guests come over! Ha.)

1.  Start with a square of fabric.  This one is about 8x8 but you can use a bigger or smaller square depending on how big you want your bow to be.

2.  Fold your square, like a hot dog (this is what I tell my students!), and glue it with hot glue.

3.  Fold in the side of the rectangle that you made and glue those also.

4.  Turn it over and pinch it in from the back.  Put a small line of glue on the front, where it is pinched, and hold it there to dry.  Do you see a bow starting to form?!
 

5.  Turn it back over, to the back side and pinch again, putting another thin line of glue on the top where the top meets the middle and on the bottom where the bottom meets the middle.

 6.  This is what the front looks like after all the little gluing:

 7.  Now you have to make the middle of the bow.  Take a strip of fabric and do the same, folding it over on itself, hot dog way again and gluing, to make a neat little strip.

 8.  Wrap your small strip around your bow and it's starting to look really cute!

9.  I make all of my bows with these clips (from Amazon) so that I can attach them to an interchangeable headband now and then hopefully clip in Lemon's hair one day!  Place clip on your strip so that when you fold the strip around the clip ends up centered on the back of your bow.

10.  Glue the clip to the fabric and then cut the middle of the bow strip so that you can glue it down too.

11.  I like to add ribbon to the clip (these, also from Amazon) so that the bow looks finished.  I just cut the ribbon, wrap it around the clip and glue with hot glue.

Finished!  I even included smaller bows that I made so you can see that this technique works to make all different sizes.  You can even put a ribbon in the middle of the tiny ones instead of a piece of fabric (and I haven't perfected getting my ribbon exactly straight on the clips before the glue dries or I burn my fingers).

And if you'd like to make your own interchangeable headband instead of buying a ton of them on etsy, like I did, and then realizing how easy they are to make, all you need is to buy are some fabric headbands like these (at CVS, Walgreens, Target, etc.):
 

Then you scrunch a bit of the headband, and wrap one of the grosgrain ribbons (link above) around it and glue it, just on the back, so that you can slide different barrettes and clips onto the ribbon that is wrapped around the headband  If you want a skinnier headband, just buy skinnier ones, and if they are too big to fit around your baby's head, just cut them and re-glue, under the ribbon, so no one can see it.  I spent so much money on etsy and then made some of these the other night, so easy and quick - so dumb I didn't do it before!

Enjoy!  Tag me on Instagram (@allisonpants) if you make some of these for your babes so I can see all the cuteness!