I don't know what it is about driving to school by myself but I always end up in tears, listening to music full blast in the car. This morning was no exception and this was the song I listened to.
We went public (why do I keep wanting to say "live?") last night with our pregnancy news and this morning, I truly felt the love. All the love. I was overwhelmed, I started crying and had no idea why, but I was just so so happy. All of the thoughts, prayers and just overall good vibes came to me like a gush of wind, hit me and took my breath away today.
The outpouring of well wishes and congrats here, on our Facebook pages and with phone calls is amazing. So many tears of joy for us, knowing all that we've been through, so much shared happiness. I am grateful to have you all in my life, whether I see you every day or not. Isn't Facebook a strange thing? We are "friends," I know much about you, but we don't speak or see each other and some of you I haven't talked to in years. But when we lost our blueberry, many of you wrote me about similar situations and I felt like I got to know you, maybe even to know a part of you that many others did not know. I felt connected to you.
Recently, I shared this blog on The Bump with women who have gone through the loss of a baby. That is the reason I wrote about all of this, after all, to help others. I received two comments on my posts (about our loss) that touched my heart, and one woman even linked my post on her blog, and also sent it to her family, because she felt that my words were her words that she just couldn't say. How amazing is that? Aren't we all connected in one way or another?
So, this post goes out to all of you, my friends, no matter if I see you, talk to you daily or not. Thank you for your love, support and happy thoughts - I felt them today and cried tears of joy, tears of happiness.
I don't want to forget my husband in this post. He is my best friend and we have been through the roughest year of both of our lives together. He works so hard to make me happy, always checks on me when I'm away from him and shows me that he loves me 100 times a day. I am so lucky to have such a wonderful man in my life and wouldn't know what to do without him. Laying in bed and laughing with him is one of my favorite things to do, and I'm so happy we have those nights back, and I hope for many more in our future. Ian, this one is also for you. (Lyrics are below if you want to sing along!)
"Neon Lights" Natasha Bedingfield
Everyday there's a thousand things that somehow pass us by
Gotta cut through the noise so you can know what love sounds like
I'm gonna tune your frequency to 106.ME
So there's no distractions
Take a breath, take it in, love has no expiration date
My heart will always beat for you at a constant rate
It will outlast everything you think you set in stone
It goes on and on, and on and on, on and on, and on and on
Buzzing like neon lights, can you feel my love?
Loud and clear, pulls you near, can you feel my love?
We got all the memories, so much more we can't see
Better than our first kiss, snow falling at Christmas
Like sleeping in on Sunday, laughter we never fake
Bob Marley in summer, 'One Love' for each other
Oh, it feels like fireflies, day and night
Can you feel my love?
Everyone is looking for a special connection
But it's like your compass points a million directions
Do you need me to buy you a telescope so you can see?
How good this could be?
Oh, buzzing like neon lights, can you feel my love?
Loud and clear, pulls you near, can you feel my love?
Oh, we got all the memories, so much more we can't see
Better than our first kiss, snow falling at Christmas
By like sleeping in on Sunday, laughter we never fake
Bob Marley in summer, 'One Love' for each other
Oh, it feels like fireflies, day and night
Can you feel my love? Can you feel it?
And I'll wait for you as long as it takes
Until I get through and it hits you right in the face
Can you feel my love?
Can you feel my love?
We got all the memories, so much more we can't see
Better than our first kiss, snow falling at Christmas
By like sleeping in on Sunday, laughter we never fake
Bob Marley in summer, 'One Love' for each other
Oh, it feel like 'One Love' for each other
Can you feel my love?
Buzzing like fireflies, neon lights, day and night
Can you feel my love?
Fireflies, day and night
Can you feel my love?
Gotta cut through the noise so you can know what love sounds like
I'm gonna tune your frequency to 106.ME
So there's no distractions
Take a breath, take it in, love has no expiration date
My heart will always beat for you at a constant rate
It will outlast everything you think you set in stone
It goes on and on, and on and on, on and on, and on and on
Buzzing like neon lights, can you feel my love?
Loud and clear, pulls you near, can you feel my love?
We got all the memories, so much more we can't see
Better than our first kiss, snow falling at Christmas
Like sleeping in on Sunday, laughter we never fake
Bob Marley in summer, 'One Love' for each other
Oh, it feels like fireflies, day and night
Can you feel my love?
Everyone is looking for a special connection
But it's like your compass points a million directions
Do you need me to buy you a telescope so you can see?
How good this could be?
Oh, buzzing like neon lights, can you feel my love?
Loud and clear, pulls you near, can you feel my love?
Oh, we got all the memories, so much more we can't see
Better than our first kiss, snow falling at Christmas
By like sleeping in on Sunday, laughter we never fake
Bob Marley in summer, 'One Love' for each other
Oh, it feels like fireflies, day and night
Can you feel my love? Can you feel it?
And I'll wait for you as long as it takes
Until I get through and it hits you right in the face
Can you feel my love?
Can you feel my love?
We got all the memories, so much more we can't see
Better than our first kiss, snow falling at Christmas
By like sleeping in on Sunday, laughter we never fake
Bob Marley in summer, 'One Love' for each other
Oh, it feel like 'One Love' for each other
Can you feel my love?
Buzzing like fireflies, neon lights, day and night
Can you feel my love?
Fireflies, day and night
Can you feel my love?
I'm so excited to find your Blog. I found you through "The Bump" and we have a lot of things in common, it seems. I had a miscarriage (due to a blighted ovum) this past October, I am a First Grade Teacher, and I am also gluten-free. Thank you so much for recording your honest emotions on everything you went though...I've debated on how "open" to be on my Blog with it all but I do think it could be used in the process of healing. I'm so excited for you and your pregnancy! I'll be sending lots of positive thoughts your way! :)
ReplyDelete~Kaci
Thank you for posting a comment, it still makes me feel good knowing I am not alone. Even though I lived through it and am a year removed, it still feels lonely sometimes. I am so sorry for your loss and I know that now you must be on the road to recovery.
DeleteIt is a long one but hang in there, it gets better. Thank you for your well wishes, we are staying positive and looking forward, that's all we can do. Thank you for the positive thoughts, I am overwhelmed by emotion when I think of everyone thinking of us.
The first thing I said for a week after my miscarriage was that I was going to shut down my blog. I didn't know how I was going to write about my journey or share it with others. I also have students who could find it one day and was nervous about how much to post. But then, after thinking of all the women going through something similar, then and now, I felt I had to post about it, to help others. I am happy I did and happy you found it. It has helped me heal and grow, in more ways than I could put into words.
I will be following you and sending you happy thoughts as well. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and you will get there, you will get to have this experience again, I know it. Stay positive and hang in there, we are all in this together. Lots of love to you and your husband and families. :)